Prayer

Brrr! It's finally cold here and yet, I know this is a relative word and it's not truly cold yet. It will get colder, even though "cold" our standards may not match what you think when someone says it's cold. I think it's 65 degrees in my house right now. I just checked; it's 66. Last week it was in the 90's outside in the daytime and now it's definitely "sweater weather"..... at least it was yesterday and will be so today. October is a crazy month here; we traditionally get a mixture of fall type weather and hot summer weather. Several times it's too hot for my kids to wear their full costumes trick or treating! I also grew up in California BUT where I was we always had to layer with turtlenecks, thick tights, etc. under our costumes.

My point? It's not to talk about the weather, not to talk about relativism or further think about perspective. Nope. I probably should though, as it would be a more meaningful post.

I'm sitting here and it's 5:45. I don't want to be up. I attend prayer with several from church on Wednesday morning. I've been doing this for the past year or so. I do it because I really love it. When I first started out it was so obvious that it made my day
"better". Not sure if it was my focus being more in tune to God and loving his people or if it was truly God. As a reformed person the answer is of course that it's always God and I know this but I'm still a skeptic in certain things! It's not an easy place to be in, trust me.

I do go because I enjoy it and it still impacts my day. I love the others that I pray with. We're all very different and it's funny that I like it that way. At least, I find that funny because I believe there is absolute truth and we need to agree on absolute truth and I want that nailed down and be communicated to all and instead I have surrounded people in my life that all offer a different perspective on things. I thought I'd hate it but instead I enjoy it. It makes me think. I like to think. It challenges me and my own beliefs and long held assumptions. I need that.

But typically in prayer all we truly do is gather, unified despite we're all a bit different, and pray. We pray for lots of things, our church, people in our church, people outside our churches. our community, other churches, other countries, our leaders. Sometimes it's a word; like patience that we pray for. Whatever it is, I love my Wednesdays.

So, this post is about how I did not want to get up this morning! Yes, the struggle of knowing that one SHOULD get up and simply having no desire to do so yet know that once up it will be good and if I did not get up I'd regret it. My husband feels similar at times when he doesn't want to work out. You do, and you don't. You know you should; know you'll love it once there, it's the process of getting there that is difficult.

Monday night into Tuesday I did not go to sleep until 3. Last night I went to bed when David went to bed because he encouraged me to do so. (he was a bit impressed my "in a minute" was actually a minute as a shut down my mac) That was probably at 10:30 so I've had plenty of sleep and yet i did not want to get up. Even right now, I'm ready to go for prayer but have decided that I don't want to ride my bike! Normally I can't ride my bike because I have to get home as soon as I can but today I have no such time constrictions and I don't want to ride. I'm cold. My tummy is rumbling and I'm happy to just be awake and going to prayer!

I know that once I'm there I'll love it. Love being with the others and joining unified in prayer. It's funny because to some the act of getting up so early to go to prayer makes me a "prayer warrior" or at least someone who loves prayer. I'm not either of those things. I do pray of course but it's a constant reminder to pray throughout the day. I don't pray well and I don't even pray out loud on these mornings with the prayer team. I'm just an average person that has discovered that I love joining with others to pray. Even when I don't feel like getting up. I've run into so many that think more highly of me when they find out I go to prayer. I usually joke that I'm surprised more stay -at-home moms don't go! It's great; Daddy gets to feed the kids, make sure they are dressed (though there's been plenty of times I've gotten home and none of those tasks have yet been accomplished!) I get a small bike ride in, which always makes me happy, and I get to join in prayer with people from my church that I don't talk to very often. And then, of course there is prayer. Praying and being with God. It's truly a blessing that I' have this opportunity and a husband that is supportive of me going. I'm thankful. I'm thankful to live in a country where I can own a Bible and pray with others without the fear of persecution.

So yeah, when I don't want to get up in a cold house when it's dark outside I remind myself that I'll love it when I'm there. Of Who I am going to speak to and be with. (God!) and how thankful I am that my Church provides this opportunity and the fact that I simply CAN attend. Not all my friends can come to prayer due to work conflicts. Not all Christians can gather safely to pray. (yet they still do too) I'm just so thankful. So I get up.

It's time for prayer now. Tell me about your prayer life. Is it important to you? Are you a morning person?

C is for Carrots

Anyone else grow up with Sesame Street on television? Or have a child that loves that show? My kids never got into Sesame Street very much. When Conor was little we did not have "real" television so he watched nothing, not even Dora the Explorer. Believe it or not, there is definitely a Toddler Culture and my baby was definitely left out! Happily, he doesn't seem to be too impaired by it., although even now his favorite programs most likely are from the Discovery Channel or the Science Channel. We did break down and get "real" television (meaning cable TV... or is it dish?) so the other 2 had plenty of opportunities to watch Sesame Street but preferred Dora the Explorer or Go Diego Go. (luckily we did not get into Yo Gabba Gabba)

My point? This post has no point. I just wanted to share the cute carrots my kids got at the Farmer's Market on Saturday, and to do so I had to think of a clever title. "Carrot" in a title is a pretty wide open, so I thought I'd ask for YOUR title suggestions

As mentioned, my contribution hails from Cookie Monster's song, "C is for Cookie" (that's good enough to eat!) Supposedly, in the many years since I've "graduated" from Sesame Street I've heard that now Cookie Monster is being forced to eat healthy and be a good role model.


So, can I blame my bad eating choices on growing up with the 'Street?

To Market, To Market

To market, to market, to buy a fat pig;
Home again, home again, dancing a jig.
To market, to market, to buy a fat hog;
Home again, home again, jiggety-jog.

My kindergartner is learning Mother Goose. Words set her off into whole rhymes. Don't mention "pumpkin" or she'll start reciting

"Peter Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and couldn't keep her!
He put her in a pumpkin shell,
And there he kept her very well!



Really. This has been going on for a few weeks now. It's cute, except, I'm not sure how to explain the Peter Pumpkin Eater rhyme? Any thoughts? Interpretations?

Friday I went to the Apple Farm with my middle child. I have photos. Lots of photos. I'll probably blog about it. On Saturday I was reading my twitter and another person mentioned he was going to the Farmer's Market and I realized that there's a farmer's market maybe a quarter mile from our house, yet we've never explored it! So, I excitedly jumped up and said "guess what?" and my husband said "we should go to the farmer's market." I was puzzled; yes.... but how did you know that I was going to say that? How interesting! So we got out our bicycles and rode over to the market. It was a beautiful day. Despite it technically being Fall it was easily already nearing the 90's. I gave each of my kids the opportunity to buy something that they wanted with the warning that they'd have to eat it. Katie immediately chose the strawberries. No surprise there. Conor delighted in looking at more things, and sampling a bit of everything. He finally chose a pound of grapes. The red ones. He insisted they tasted better than the black ones. David also got into the exploration, and chose 4 large peaches, as well as quite a few artichokes. Reid is my picky eater; he likes nothing. No fruit. No vegetables. He doesn't even like corn. What child doesn't like corn? So, he chose a carrot. He doesn't exactly like carrots either; I guess a "lesser evil" to him.



By now it was getting warm. I was having a great time simply taking photos of all the colorful produce. A person noticed me with my camera and said they'd have the market through October. When he discovered I had kids, encouraged me to go over and spin the wheel for a chance at winning. So, we did.



Conor went first, spinning the wheel recklessly! It landed on a question of how many sea turtles were found with plastic inside them. The number was very high, and very sad. I quickly clued into the fact that the answer was always the shockingly high statistic. Even though Conor got the question wrong, he was still " a winner" and got to choose a prize. He chose broccoli and a nectarine. Next was Reid. In stunning contrast to his older brother, he spun the wheel methodically and gently. Too gently so he had to spin it again. His question was also about sea turtles so he had to spin again. I helped him with the answer and he "won" and chose a bunch of carrots. These were very unorthodox looking carrots! My husband jokes they have "carrot-ture".. Get it? Character? (Yes, he's a corny sense of humor) Then it finally was Katie's turn. I helped her with her question too. It was how many plastic bags a person uses in a year. The answer? 300 to 500! Wow. Definitely a sobering number. Since she's so cute he said she could have 3 items. She chose an ear of corn, a tomato and zucchini. Triumphantly she skipped back to daddy and we gently put away all the wonderful goodies in our bike trailer and headed home. By this time it was really heating up and we were happy to be back on our bikes feeling the apparent wind on our faces.



As soon as we were home Katie dove in on the basket of strawberries. We took them away to be washed and then set the whole basket on the table to be enjoyed by all, as well as our turkey sandwiches, fresh pressed apple juice from the apple farm excursion the day before and a few crackers to round out lunch. Katie couldn't get enough strawberries. They kept talking about the experience and how much fun they had and how they couldn't wait to eat their new fruits and vegetables. It was a fun, cheap, healthy outing that they can't wait to do again.



The best part? Since they were a part of the picking and choosing and buying the produce, they are more excited to eat it!

A Balancing Act

I wonder about much. One hears complete opposites about things sometimes and this year I realized that I want absolutes. I want absolute truths. I've brought this up so much and the answer always is: Some things are absolute and others are not, of course with no detailed explanation of WHAT is relative and what is absolute. But perhaps I have my own list of "absolutes" but if my list of "absolute truth" and someone else's list of absolutes is different, doesn't that make it personal, relative truth?

Yeah. I'm great fun at parties. Invite me over sometime. ;-)

The other week I went running/wheezing/jogging with my friend Kris. She's good. I'm not, but she's encouraging and kind to me. We're on the track and realize that a woman had taken off her shirt and was just wearing her bra. It wasn't a sports bra. It wasn't a pretty bra. And she was a pretty large lady.

I was kinda put off by it. (I have already admitted that I'm judgmental in this blog of mine) I'd NEVER do something like that! (but that's a whole different post) I couldn't believe that she'd be on a public track in a park, where jr. high kids were running, as the park shared space with the school, be overweight and only in a regular, ugly bra? No no no! No matter what I looked like I'd never take off my shirt and run around in a bra. I will make an exception for sports bras, but you still won't see ME in one of them.

Later, as I was in conversation it was pointed out to me that who cares? It's a bra. Big deal. I protested that it did not look pretty; she did not look pretty in only her bra. (yes, me.... the "pretty" police.... I know; I make NO SENSE!) To that it was pointed out to me that even more so; it was probably hard for her to get up and go for a walk or run. She'd probably rather be at home, not out exercising yet here she was. She should be applauded and encouraged, not judged or chastised for taking off her shirt because she was hot. (and this was pointed out to me by a guy!)

Ouch. What a drastically different perspective!

Of course, I still have questions. Questions on modesty and stumbling blocks, questions on what is our role in that? The whole "we are free by grace" to do whatever we want and yet.... is that really true? Are we still held accountable? Is there any stipulation or caveat to our freedom? (I do have an opinion on this and some verses to quote)

The sobering part for me is if this freedom or is this law that Im upholding so important that Christ had to die on a cross for it? To purchase or release, am I truly fighting the right battles? Did He purchase my salvation so I could enjoy freedom and eat and drink or wear whatever I want? Or the law side: Am I going to fight over this? is it worth fighting over something like keeping the Sabbath holy while the "grace" camp insists we're not under the law and to enjoy the party and dance in this freedom?

Was this why Christ died? I grew up thinking that he died because he loved me and to atone for my sins. (a "me" thing) But Lately I've been realizing that though it's true.... He did die for me out of love, He really endured the cross to glorify the Father.

So the real question in the grace vs. law debate: Is this giving glory to Him or just creating division?

Soli Deo gloria!

Inward Bound

Lately I've been realizing that other people are right. This is hard for me to accept because I'm a firstborn girl; I'm usually right. I like to be correct and like others to be correct and my first inclination is to correct them BUT this is annoying and I realize that I make a lot of (small, little) mistakes too so I try not to correct spelling or things of that nature. I do prefer things to be perfect in that realm but it's not that important, is it?

So... I read a book once and need to read it again. It's a hard book to read. It's called Emotional Intelligence. I think another book I read was called Blink. I don't own Blink so I can't quote from it but there was a section in it that asserts that others are more aware and see us more clearly than we see ourselves. Even strangers. after spending minimal time observing a person can correctly describe them with uncanny accuracy. I pretty much refused to believe this because if true... if true it means that I'm intense, unadventurous, stubborn (well, okay; I'm most definitely stubborn!) like (certain) things perfect, am law oriented rather than grace oriented (this one, sadly is true as well) and am intense and difficult. Oh, and I'm melancholy in temperament.

I don't like being melancholy in temperament! I'm not sure I like being an introvert either. No one wants their child to be shy or an introvert. According to Please Understand Me only 25% of the population identified themselves as introverts, and that was in 1964. I wonder if that figure is even lower now, now? Is it because we DESIRE and push ourselves to be considered extroverts instead of introverts? But I digress. My point is that I'm all these traits: Introverted, melancholy, stubborn, intense, have high expectations of self and others, am judgmental ungracious, controlled and difficult. Did I mention intense? That comes up a lot too.

I suppose they are right; I am all these things, sad to say. I wonder at times why this is all people see. Am I even or have I ever been how the inside of me feels and thinks of me? Because even though I'm most definitely an introvert I do enjoy people. (people drain me but I like them) I have a whimsical, fun and playful side to me. I love to do the unexpected but perhaps don't wish to be surprised when it comes to me! I love to get lost in a book and though I don't read a ton of fiction, my imagination inwardly, vividly paints the scene in my mind to a point that rivals or even exceeds anything Hollywood could produce. I love music and the beauty of it. There's a part of me that deems art too subjective and poetry too vague and I prefer to know with certainty that author's viewpoint and reason behind the art but there's also a part of me that is thrilled by this space, this unknowing and undefined space. I'm scared to bring my own interpretation to it because I don't wish to be wrong; but at times I wonder if that's the purpose; an invitation to one's own reflection and being. It's a tug-o-war in my mind; to want to know with absolute truth what the "message" or meaning is; and the other side just enjoys this unknown. But after a bit of reflection I want to know the truth. I want to know what is right.

So, inwardly my life, my feelings are different than what others see and I wonder who is right? The observer or me? One that sees the outward me or me that sees the inward me? How can I be wrong about my very self?

Or is it that I just don't share my inner self?

I'm intense and I don't wish to be so intense. I want to be loving and forgiving and not so rigid. I want to be soft and accepting. I want to laugh and enjoy things.

Yesterday Katie was talking to me; I was scarcely listening to her. (she likes to talk..... a lot!) Finally I realized she was saying "look at me! I have green teeth!" and so I did. And we laughed. i asked to take her picture and she happily obliged. I don't want to be so intense that I lose the love, laughter, grace and humor in life.

So what about you? Do you think how you think and feel inwardly translate to how others perceive you? Do they "match"? Or is it different like me. Who do you think is correct? Who is the real you? Real me? My inner thoughts or my outer actions?

Burst Forth

I don't know about you but oftentimes I read and fill my mind with too much. I have a very good memory and can remember much but there are times when I read too many books in one week that I forget where I read or heard that from. This week I've read 4 books, listened to 2 podcast sermons of a preacher that is out of state, read numerous blogs and did my bible study homework. The odd part? Many/most of these things interconnect; it's almost eerie and makes for a very confused Victoria. I mean, which book, podcast, blog, etc. did I hear that in? Read that in? I can close my eyes and mentally see where the words are on the page but I can't recall which cover; which book or which blog!

Trust me, it's very frustrating. So, it's after 1am. I have bad allergies so I took a shower and it seems all these thoughts pop into my head when I take a shower. And as I struggled with making sense of my day and all the stuff I've been learning a thought came into my head: If you are doing the work it'll show. And I struggled to figure out where that came from? A book? Which Book? A blog? A podcast? A song?

It was reality tv. I hate to admit that I watch nearly any TV but as I play on my computer I like to watch some TV. Tonight it was So You Think You Can Dance. (actually, lots of social issues come up on that show and it'd be fun to discuss them) But what stuck in my mind was a young hip hop style dancer. (mind you, I wasn't paying 100% attention) From what I gathered he's tried out before but did not make it as far as he'd hope and vowed to get some "real" training in more of the classic disciplines of dance: Contemporary, ballet, and all that jazz. (pun intended) His audition was good and entertaining but the judges wanted more from him. One asked if he'd been studying the classic disciplines of other dance styles like he was supposed to. He said yes and the judge gave him a bad time about it; Because if he had spent time in those disciplines, it would show in his performance and he couldn't see it.

Likewise we are called to show forth evidence of our faith. This can seen so often in Scripture. Johnn 15:8 says By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. We are told that if we love God we will love others. and that if our faith is real it will be evident in our works; our lives. We will be doers of the Word not hearers only.

So, I guess my challenge to myself is: Is God evident in my life? Does He shine through? Am I enveloped in the spiritual disciplines? Am i loving and am I a doer rather than just a hearer of the Word? If He is in me, how can my life not reflect it?

PS. Picture to come. It's late. Have to wait for good lighting to get a photo.

Holy Spirit

"The Spirit of God always come in surprising ways - "The wind bloweth where it listeth... so is every one that is born of the Spirit." No creed or school of thought or experience can monopolise the Spirit of God. The great snare of some aspects of presenting The Gospel is that everything is put in the head, everything must be rational and logical, no room is left for the great power of life which shows itself in surprising ways."

Oswald Chambers, Biblical Ethics