In My Way

A few weeks ago my Pastor used this phrase from the 2002 movie The Four Feathers: "God put you in my way." Not only did he use the phrase he showed a clip of the aforementioned movie. I'm not a fan of movie clips used in church but this one worked well and everyone laughed. I even tweeted it.

It made me think of the people that are placed in my life. Could it be possible that they are "placed" there by God? Am I supposed to help them? Am I obligated to help them? To love them?

When I was in High School I looked for people that were weary and hurting to be placed in my path, and I had several friends that I eagerly anticipated them to confide in me. I had some friends that were really hurting with alcohol addiction, sexual abuse, serious medical issues, death of a friend, cutting and attempts at suicide. I wanted to help them; spent hours on the phone with them, thinking I was being so sacrificially loving towards them.

The reality is I wasn't so loving. I don't think I wanted them to heal or be transformed by God as much as I enjoyed this role as "helping" them. I looked forward to their phone calls, I looked forward to encouraging them.... until I entered college and realized that I was not helping them. My friend, after 3 years, was still struggling and I could not "fix" her. Oh, I still tried, until she began insisting that I was just ignoring my own problems. (what problems? And how would she even know?)

The thing is that I know I'm imperfect; I can list well over 100 areas where I fall short of being anywhere near perfect, and yet I suppose I always felt I wasn't "as bad" as my friends. I needed nothing. I did not even need God. I mean, of course, I needed God; I can quote scripture that states we all need a Saviour; but I lived like I did not NEED God. I had Him; He was with me but I did not live like I relied on Him because indeed, there was nothing THAT WRONG in my life that really required Him. Or so I thought.

There is a friend now in my life that is challenging me in a good way and I'm so resistant. I don't want to be an obstacle that is in her path that she's forced to deal with because God "put me in her path." I don't wish to frustrate her and I don't want to need her. I don't want to need anyone, and yet I look forward to her words of wisdom, and sometimes I'm even softened enough to really just want to cry, knowing what she says is truth, God's truth and then I quickly become prideful, not wanting to need anyone, not wanting to be in this position where she's helping me. I have always been the HELPER, not the one that needs help. It's hard for me to acknowledge that I need her help. To this, I'm sure she'd say that I don't need her help; I need God's help.... He's just put her in my path to facilitate that help. The question is if I'll push God away or yield to Him?

Does God put people in your path? Do you struggle with submission like I do? Do you wish to help others while you remain autonomous? Are your relationships with others a reciprocal relationship or is it all one sided? Do your friends really know you?

Twitterpated with Twitter

In 1942 Walt Disney produced an animated film called "Bambi".... is it necessary to remind anyone of the plot and characters of this beloved animated classic? Actually, I haven't let my kids see this movie yet, as I have sensitive kids and it would really hurt them to see Bambi's mom killed. I know, I know... that's just how life is but it would hurt my youngest, or perhaps I'm just projecting my own grief and emotion I felt as a child onto her!

Regardless, I've always loved Thumper's word Twitterpated to describe falling in love. In High School my best friend and I would constantly used the word; it's just such a fun word to say. Whimsical, different, and amusing. It helped that both my friend and I were Disney fans and knew nearly every Disney animated film produced. (my friend even more so than I)

I'm in love with Twitter. Twitterpated, even. It started out innocently enough. I was given an iPhone as a Christmas gift by my wonderful husband. I still joke that he's an "enabler" and is encouraging my internet addiction. This would be funny if it wasn't so true. In an online conversation someone has suggested Twitter and I was trying to figure out what exactly it was. He attempted to explain it and it was obvious he loved it though his explanation did not do much to inform or excite me, but I joined. He had encouraged me to go through his contact list and pick a few people that looked interesting and follow them. This to me seemed so bizarre; isn't that like stalking? Why would others want a total strange to follow them? Why would I wish to follow them?

At the beginning I kept all my information private; people had to request and be approved to follow me. There were times I'd change the setting to public and inevitably I'd attract a few half naked women "following" me, but it's easy enough to block them. I've been faithfully tweeting now for about 8 months. I could not tell you why I was addicted to twitter; Twitter was just an extension of my Facebook and for me, Facebook was the main attraction, only I chose to update it via twitter, and update I did!

I found myself addicted to twitter without even understanding it's draw. I loved to tweet every little thing I was doing, what I was reading, what my kids were doing, what I was eating. But I got to wonder, why does anyone care? I'm not saying anything meaningful here. Why would a stranger wish to know I went grocery shopping or am stuck in traffic? The life of a SAHM is pretty mundane in 140 characters or less. Plus, I hardly had any twitter followers and the ones I did have were all on my Facebook page so why Twitter?

This past month I am beginning to understand twitter and it really is addicting. I just might like it more than facebook. There's a beautiful simplicity to twitter. Although my facebook friends are primarily people I know, lately twitter has been comprised of people I don't know. It boggles my mind why these strangers who seem really cool, interesting, and intelligent would choose to follow me. The funny thing is that this latest group seem to all know each other. It's been fun in itself following their tweets. I have chosen to follow them as well and even have checked out their blog and they truly are amazing people that I'd never have "known" otherwise. I guess they don't exactly know me. But does it matter?

Twitter and social networking are ways of connection, and though I just follow their tweets right now I don't feel comfortable contacting them, be it by @replies or direct messages, but I have commented on their blogs, and feel that they bring a smile to my face, though I'm sure they'll never know it. This group of people (they're all from Tennessee) interact often on twitter and in real life too. I'm actually envious.

So, my friends who are IRL friends, please join twitter. I want a community like they have: a community online that spills out into my everyday life. A community that shares the mundane stuff like standing in line at a store or their choice of dinner, as well as the prayer requests and impromptu coffee or meals together. I want to share life, all of life, with my friends.